Laughter Through Tears

Some days I feel terrible about myself, my writing, and my life (in that order). But today I feel good about everything and I'm so excited about TC I could almost throw up.

So I'm putting this note here to remind me of it, later.

I posted my Yuletide draft. I'm not really pleased with its progress, and I feel like I will probably want to keep staring at it and angsting and maybe putting in some tweaks until just about exactly the reveal deadline. But I am also at the point where I can start to feel anticipation for my upcoming gift. The receiving part is, oddly, the most major flaw in my conduct as an exchange participant. I'm a terrible recipient because I stress so much over my gift and tend to finish it last minute. I end up not enjoying the gift archives nearly as much as I ought to.

But never mind that, it is a holiday (albeit a fake one) and a weekend and I'm going to a party soon. I might even get all dressed up or something. It's cold out, but it's not meant to be raining, and it's not like I'm going by bus or anything.

Contrary to my crappy mood of the last few days, right now I feel pretty great. I was upbeat and energetic when leaving work (a little agitated maybe) and when I got in I took a shower. Which is a fool-proof mood improver. I think it may be time to pick up the slack on some things I'd let slide (out of pure nonsensical angst).

It might be over-ambitious to want to write today. Elevating expectations beyond what is generally reasonable has been a downfall for me in the past. I do have to take care of some smaller/simpler/more urgent things - making sure I have scripts that aren't expired, and other end-of-month chores, plus replying to emails/messages and maybe a few other things that have slipped my mind.

This morning I tried doing my morning pages in Hebrew. It took 40 minutes - double the usual. I do not find this to be an encouraging sign.

This is an hour on which to wake up from a nap? And be suddenly hungry? My brain. *shakes head*

I have spent so much time in Jerusalem in the past month, I haven't quite gotten used to the local rhythm of action. In particular the weekend rhythms, which of course are a massive indicator of neighborhood culture in Israel. Friday afternoon cafe loitering and the like.

My mind buzzes with so many thoughts I don't share. I really ought to do more proper blogging.

And eat. I should eat.

There's been a heat-wave for several days, but it's pretty cloudy out. Cloudy and hot, and odd combination. I'm not sure whether it's the odd weather or something else, but my joints have started acting up. Last night I went out to a game event with some friends at the local LGBT center, and towards the end of the evening my right arm was hurting something fierce. Even my hands are giving me trouble. It's something like thirty degrees out and I'm sitting around with fingerless gloves (which really help).

( Life )

Mostly everything is good. I think writing a blog post (which I haven't made a proper one of in a while) will probably help me gather my mind. I'll put on some jeans and pop out to see what the whether is tangibly like. Maybe I'll dash into the city for a few chores.

It's amazing how I can leave work feeling pretty energetic and positive about the workday, and thinking about all the stuff I can do at home in the evening. And then ten minutes later as I'm walking to the bus, suddenly my mind's not distracted and all the sensations it was ignoring become deeply obvious. My back's liek a rock, I'm wiped-out tired, I can't wait to get out of my bra and I can feel my shoelaces digging into the skin on top of my feet.

I'm getting into the rhythm of the work, but today I had a couple of disappointments. Sunday marked me working there for a full month, and so far there's no hint that they're less than pleased with me, or considering ending my employment at the end of the trial period. Heaven knows they took a big risk on me, and I on them, given the weight of the work. For the moment, we seem to be working out well together.

Despite being too worn and forgetful to update my Goodreads or post about it here, I've been taking excellent advantage of my tablet as an e-reader. Between the commute and reading myself to sleep, I've made a dent in my reading plans for the year (36 books a year or 3 books a month). It helps that I've accepted leaving aside some books I'd planned to finish, and am succumbing gleefully to my brain's whims. And I started the year by getting into several different book series, so the serial continuity pushes me forward.

Miraculously, my creativity hasn't skittered to a halt. I still think about stories and am actively working on several WIPs. Just earlier today, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration for a scene to climb out of a stalled plot. Yay me.

I spent this month stressing over job interviews and writing fanfic. There are four complete works on my AO3 account dated October. There are also unfinished works and old works that I uploaded and backdated, and some anonymous meme fills. I may be suffering from fanfic fatigue, but I'm pretty proud of my output.

Bingo card behind the cut: ( Read more... )

ETA: Whoops last second fill completion.

Tonight was awesome and fun but I'm so tired and my feet are killing me.

Happy new year, guys.